left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
