I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
