tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
