he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
