They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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