Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.