Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
