If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
