I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
