my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
