i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
