but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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