You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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