Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
third nipple confirmed
I just had sex on a roof
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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