I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
