I'm so fucking centered right now
You can't special order awesome
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
