Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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