do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
