I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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