Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
