I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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