in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
