Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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