why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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