I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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