The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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