@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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