I love black thongs
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
