that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
