Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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