Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
