U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
