Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
