Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
