I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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