I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
