There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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