the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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