I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
