so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
