i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
