OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
