So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
