You work out of a Hotel?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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