Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
