You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
