Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So much rum. So many feels.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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