My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
