you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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