yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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