I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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