nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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