i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
