ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
