Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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