i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
