did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
