the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
