Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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