Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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