I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
