i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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