No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
