Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
