I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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