My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
