I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
