hotel room ftw
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means