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the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
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