The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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