i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
