somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍