my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?