Banned from zoo.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me