Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
