Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
